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Saturday, January 2, 2010

Being Honest With My Feelings

I have been feeling very sad and a bit jealous lately as I view many other blogs of women who are pregnant and due around the same time I was due (June 10, 2010). I often stop and think that I would be feeling our baby moving around now. My sweet little one is 16 months and I was just figuring out that they would have been 21 months apart. That spacing is what I like most. I know that God is in control and that He gave and He took away, blessed be His name, but that does not take away the feeling that I have. Many people try and say kind things but they don't always help. The empty and "out of my control" feeling that I have is still there. Then people try and comfort me by saying, "just be thankful for the 5 you have". I am thankful, I am just sad some days. Let me mourn and be sad some days even though I do have great peace knowing that God is in control. Emotions are real and overwhelming some days.

4 comments:

Tania @ Larger Family Life said...

Yes, it's a very hard thing to go through. You need to grieve, to mourn and to feel sad. ((Hugs)) to you, from one who knows.

Erna said...

Dear Debbie,

Thanks for your comment on my post, "Where is God?" I have had two miscarriages, my first pregnancy and the loss of my second daughter's twin. I too have experienced the empty words or those that try to encourage but end up hurting us instead. The Lord does give and take away but the pain still remains and how we walk through that grief varies from family to family. Maybe the Lord would allow our little ones to gather together and dance before His throne in worship. There are still days I miss my little ones and consider that our arms could've been full with more children. The emptiness is there and that is a child that you dreamed of, hoped for, and longed to hold. May the Lord continue to be your comfort.

I know I enjoyed going through a book titled, "Grieving the Child You Never Knew" after my loss, as well as another that someone had given me who had walked through a still-birth. It is not an easy road to travel but the Lord will carry you.

Many hugs . . . Erna

Debbie said...

thank you, Erna. My hope that I do hold on to is that my little girl is in better hands, the Lord's, in heaven now. I do miss her and the fact that I will never hold her here on this earth. It does give us great hope to know that God is in control of all thing. I am sad for you that you had to also go through this twice. I had never heard of the book that you suggested, but it sounds like one that I need to read this year. Thank you. May the Lord also continue to use you to minister to others as he has used you to minister to me.

MommaMindy said...

Blessings to you, sister, as you long for the little one who is worshipping at the feet of Jesus. I would have a three year old today. She would have been only one year older than my first granddaughter. Both my daughter and I mourn her loss, there is always a missing presence felt.

Shortly after my miscarriage, due to complications from cancer treatment, a very large family visited our church. They were beautiful. I was sitting at the piano and at the beginning of the meeting this man did something unusual. He stood up and introduced each of his children. He even introduced the one they lost. He said something to the effect that he knows that the Lord took that little one home to Heaven to fill a yearning in each of the other children's heart to want to go to Heaven, too. They were using the death as a beautiful introduction to the Gosepl in the hearts of their remaining children. I sat at the piano and wept. I knew the Lord sent them to our church that day for that moment for my healing.

I remember meeting a woman who was in her 80's and when she talked about losing a child at a young age, she still wept. We can be sorrowful, but sin not. The Lord will use these longings, these tears, to minister to souls in His time, in His way.

But, first, we let those tears of agony cultivate of the soil of our heart for the Word of God to take root and minister a work in our hearts.

Praying for you as I weep for all of us.