Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Being Real With My Sins

When I first started this blog, I started it because I live in a very cold (spiritually and physically) and lonely place. I am homeschooling alone here and I was hoping to be able to somehow communicate with others who are on this same journey. Little did I know that during this time I would lose an unborn baby girl. As I shared my struggles during this process that I have been going through, I have been amazed and encouraged by the kind words of other moms who sadly enough have been on this journey also. Thank you, ladies, for your kind and encouraging words.

I want to be real and share my struggles and my joys with you all. At the beginning of the year, I decided that I wanted to be faithful in Bible reading and writing book summaries on this blog as I finish a book in the Bible. So, each morning, I wake up and read my Bible and then walk on my treadmill . Exercise has helped me mentally and physically. During all of this I have also been reading, The Heart of Anger, and asking the Lord to clearly reveal my sins and help me to put them to death. He sure has and it is a painful process!!! My husband and I married in 1996 and our first child was born in 2000, after struggling for 4 years of infertility. We never thought that we would have children and now He has blessed us with 5 children here on earth and one little girl in heaven. He has used my children to clearly reveal to me my sins. As I deal with the children daily, I am also helping them to deal with their sins. I am starting to see my own sins manifested in my children's lives. Talk about humbling, it is very humbling to look at my children and say in all honesty that the reason that they are struggling with that particular sin is because they see it modeled in me. They have great respect for my husband, because he is a wonderful father who addresses issues immediately. Since 2000, I have either been pregnant or nursing with little to no break in between each child and now I am actually having a break and starting to feel great. I see how lazy I had become in my parenting and am now reaping the bad seeds I had sown. I would address the issues, but not always promptly. Multiply that by 5 and sometimes there is a lot of stress and chaos. Also, the younger you address the issue the better. My oldest is 9! I do love being a mom and I want to be a mom that is filled with joy. It is my prayer that when others, like my husband, walk in the door they will see a home that is filled with the fragrant aroma of Christ. When I was going through infertility, I thought being a mom was going to be easy and always joyful. Now, I see that it is hard work and not always joyful. I want our home to be a peaceful home when my husband walks in the door, not fighting and arguing between the kids and I. What things help you to have a peaceful home where you and others enjoy being a part of? I am thankful that the Lord is purging me and it is my prayer that He will give me the grace necessary to endure the purging and to change.

1 comment:

I am blessed! said...

I got into blogging for much the same reasons. I love our church, but I'm the only homeschooling mom and the only qf mom. It does get lonely when not even your mom understands why you don't just send your kids to school! As far as what has helped make our home more peaceful- I am also always striving to improve in this area. Reading the Duggar's book encouraged me that our home could be more peaceful. I felt like I was constantly correcting my kids. What I took away from their book and also the Maxwell's books is that more work on the front end with training that is positive and fun will result in less correcting on the back end. It's helped, but I'd like to improve more in that area!