Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Identity Crisis

How many of you out there have found yourselves in some kind of identity crisis at some point in your life? I have and my husband and I are both struggling right now. The Lord has placed us outside of our comfort zone in a community that hates everything about Christ and would rather our little church not even be here. I grew up in Texas and my husband in Indiana. We never believed that the Lord would place us in upstate New York where we are persecuted for the gospels sake. In fact this being a tourist community, many people visit our little church, and have said that this is by far a mission field that is even harder than a place like Africa. I home school our children and there are no other home schoolers in our area. We are far away from family and it a very cold and lonely place. When the church called us they told us that we were the only gospel witness for at least 60 miles and I did not understand. They told us how hard it would be and we still did not understand. Recently, we went through the loss of our 6th child through a partial molar pregnancy. I have a link on the side that explains what a partial molar pregnancy is and how rare it is. For the past 10 years I have either been pregnant or nursing. We have 5 children. I always had problem free pregnancies and had finally adjusted to the fact that I would continue to have many children and great pregnancies. My identity was in motherhood and in bearing children for the glory of God. Now I cannot conceive for at least a year and don't know what to do with myself. That may seem strange to some, but to me there was only about a one month gap sometimes after nursing before conceiving again. My children have no other friends or activities that we can participate in. I teach school, clean house, read my Bible, and cook. That is what motherhood is all about, but I am sad and lonely. My husband has grown so much theologically that he is also having an identity crisis. Those who have husbands who are pastors will understand. He is also lonely for fellowship with other pastors and just wants to fit in somewhere. My comfort is found in Christ alone and my husband and I really need to meditate on that fact. He gives and He takes away and I mean it when I say, "Praise His name". He does all things for His glory and He is now drawing us to Himself to find our identity in Him alone. One of my favorite songs is by Keith and Kristin Getty, In Christ Alone. I need to add that to my blog.

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